Wait. These are actual children's books?

Things are progressing. That's about all there is to say at this point. I could barely sleep last night because I had a dream that Kami's water broke. And England plays Ukraine today at 1:45. If her water could break today around 1:00, we could be at the hospital with ESPN on by 1:45. then we would embark on this wonderful journey!

Anyhow, one of the things I'm most looking forward to is Story Time. I cannot wait to read to Emsley every night, and I've already picked out a number of books I feel she needs to read, or have read to her: The Bible, of course. All the Sherlock Holmes stories. Harry Potter (eight, or so, years from now). Fever Pitch.

But there are some books that she will not, under any circumstances, be reading...

The Night Dad Went To Jail
Who Cares About Disabled People? (See it's companion piece, the Acts to this Luke, Who Cares About Elderly People?)
Children Are No Match For Fire
I Wish Daddy Didn't Drink So Much
The House That Crack Built
Joined at Birth: The Lives of Conjoined Twins
The Moose With The Loose Poops
Latawnya the Naughty Horse Learns to Say No To Drugs (for one thing, it's $393.62.)
Embalming is Not a Sport
How to Care for Your Giant African Land Snail

Maybe you've read these and found them immensely helpful when your kid went to school, saw conjoined twins sitting at the desk(s) next to them, and came home shaken to their very core. Or when you were out camping and came across a moose who had the trots, and weren't sure about the Smores you just ate. But it's not happening in this house.